The Map or The Journey

The thought began to wander its way back to the front of her mind. She had been rummaging her brain all night trying to think of responses to this troubling request. What was she to do? She could respond in two ways. She could offer Josh the thing that he requested or she could walk away and hope to find someone else who would love her. But was she willing to take that chance? It had been so long since she someone had told her that she was special, that she was worth everything, that she was beautiful. But did he actually mean these things or was he just playing the game? Was his desire genuine or did he just know the right things to say? He hadn't tried to get her to bed yet although there were times he could have if he wanted, not because he was charming but because she had always tried to earn love that way. That was what troubled her about him on some level. He didn't force her to earn his love with sex. But there was also something else that bothered her, until last night she didn't know what it was. Then the request came last night at dinner. He didn't ask for her to sleep with him or her hand in marriage. He asked for something far more troubling.

Josh was a nice guy. He was headed to the top and would soon be making a seven figure income. He would eventually be able to provide all the things she had ever dreamed of. But he was not very romantic and at times seemed out of touch with who she was. The entire reason she was still with him was because she longed for companionship that was hard to come by for her at this point in her life.

The request came as they were sitting a one of the nicest tables in a upscale restaurant, which oddly she would have preferred something a little less classy. She liked nice things but he had taken her to only nice restaurants and she wanted to have some normal food for once with him. They had been seeing each other casually for a little while now. As the dinner progressed she could tell Josh was getting serious. Now she was curious to see what he was going to ask her. As the anticipation grew he finally asked her. And what she heard she could not believe. Who actually asks for something like that. You must be wondering what he asked for. Well I'll tell you what he asked. He asked her if she could give him a map to her heart. He too had noticed that he lacked an understanding of her and he wanted to understand her so that he could love her. You see Josh was a very analytical person. He thought love was a bunch of proofs that could be fulfilled. So if he knew her favorite things, how she liked to be touched, what her hurts have been, what her joys had been he would be able to love her best. He assumed that love was a mathematical equation that simply needed the right variables to be inserted for it to work.

She hadn't stopped thinking about that question all night long, even though he had long ago dropped her off. Soon the sun would begin to rise, luckily she didn't have to work on Saturdays, and she was still thinking about the request.

As the sun started to crawl over the horizon she knew she had to let him go. It scarred her to death that she was letting go a guy that actually liked her. But he would never truly love her. He cared more about the destination then the journey. You see she had come to realize that it was the journey that mattered, not the map or where you end up. It is along the journey of a relationship that you truly learn to love someone and they in return. She remembered something from High School about Romeo and Juliet and how there were two women juxtaposed in the play for Romeo. There was the girl at the beginning, whose name escaped her mind at the time, and then there was Juliet. Romeo loved the other girl by proofs but he loved Juliet by freedom. To one he spoke in proper form the other he spoke in free verse. The problem with Josh his he wanted to love her with proper formed poetry. He would never be able to love her with free verse. Thats why she had to walk away.

She picked up the phone and called him knowing he would be in the shower preparing for the office. Even though it was a Saturday he would spend the first half of his day there. She left him a message explaining to him that she needed someone to love the journey and learn to love her while on it. Not simply someone who would ask for a map so he could get to the end as soon as possible. Then she hung up the phone and grab the keys to her car. She was going for a journey and was leaving the map at home. And maybe just maybe she would find someone else on their journey and they could begin to journey together.